The
War Within

Either
at the mercy of
or
through the circumstantial precision of
all
that moves me through the delicate vibrancy of
this
randomly blooming present moment,
I
can feel The War Within.
With
shadows of the past walking by my side,
and
demons cast down to stalk by my stride
with
witchy spells that whisper a bonafide tirade;
whether sane or not, I
proclaim:
“Enough of this talk already!
Watch as they ride
me steadily!
. . . taking
a sly pride in The War Within, abidingly."
Ghosts
of the Future, Phantasms of the Fantastical:
I
watch your gossamer work approach -
thinly
veiled, a weakly sutured gesture of ethereal reproach.
Ambiguous
at times, sure! (It’s part of the impure deception!)
But
I find in thy blurry and empty pouch
a
pale and murky reception: I find no treat
in
the bland and formalized solution
of
thy coffin offer; yea, thy tainted proffer
that
resolutely comes upon me oh so softly,
and
moves through me oh so subtly,
while
seeking to become oh so deeply involved . . .
But
Alas!
No longer am I so easily fooled with suspension!
Because
indeed I have pooled my attention,
not
as I would allow ye to have needed me be
but only as ye can hope in me!
But whence now as I have no heavenly hope in thee,
I shall not even hope to evenly cope with thee!
As
of now, I am not found to be bound
to
the ground by the sounding slur
of
all that ye stir and surround me with;
or
to thy sad and mournful songs of longing
that
hang upon all that adorns Death’s door;
or
to that which is unholy, belonging solely
to
the boring and unrealized swirly
of
your unauthorized myth, your damaged fruit,
which
is, of course, your play firstborn from the floor –
and
not from within my truth.
For I have changed;
and
no longer am the subject of your dreadful guile!
For
while the ebb and flow of the stop and the go
of
everyday life is strife enough for anyone to bear,
I
am tough enough to call your bluff and stop the flow
of
shadows gathering, of pressures going slithering,
of
glistening goodness caring in the face of distress,
of
strength and prudence in the place of your darkness.
It is no wonder;
for I
have seen thee in action . . . I have seen how ye ponder
and
know full well of the swelling traps of factless fiction
that
you position to weigh down The Way
from
human participation.
Each
time ye deceive me,
I
then perceive more accurately what to receive next.
The
end facts cure me and I am no longer perplexed.
With
corrections more than cleverly textual,
with
intentions more than merely sexual,
with
defenses stronger than the fences yonder
that
you hex me with . . . I know what’s going on,
and
at dawn I will the balance The War Within.
For
you see, I am MIND, though I am weary.
I
am conscious and cope with opportunity!
I
have stopped; and have tuned in clearly
to
your crushing bonfire of burning hopelessness.
This!
Whilst watching thee as ye gingerly grope
thy
dreary plans for binding man’s welfare in me.
This!
Whilst like of a vulture culture eating carrion,
ye
carry on to freely think ye hath me in thy possession.
Yea,
thou hast me though, but only in my depression.
To
this torment I am dormant to comprehend
the
potential end to which ye shall exert thyself.
Though
rumor has it you more or less spaz if
you
must confront our Jesus, or even His Holy name;
a
hurtful shame for thee, an wholly exerted claim for me.
You
hunt for the kill but the thrill is no longer free.
For
I am hell bent on the pressing matter of mind over matter,
leaving
behind thy grueling and beguiling glee, and thee.
And
as thou hath suspected, I am protected in this fight!
No
longer hath ye power to cower my freedom tonight!
And
as I move towards the lights of dawn
I
can see a bright sight, a star -
a
mighty plight at work, bonding my
rightful plight
to
sway and roam at will, over the hill,
to
go far away from thee and finally be free to shirk
me
from thy darkened family of unholy wishes from hell.
Fear
now the grounds of your baleful sounds; my holy bells ring
in
the singing of my freedom; for with this song
I
now graciously travel to places marked and plowed
by
God called home – My beginning traces, His Kingdom.
For
yea indeed, there I am now –
Far
away from the sin and the heat of thy darkness depressing
which
is born from deep within thine evil agenda pressing.
I
reasonably rescind the unbending harking from thee.
I
send back thy views and need not thy skews to an end.
For all thy broken dealings of token fee,
I now laugh at thee -
I now laugh at thee -
HA! And with a grin, I rescind The War
Within me!
~
Michael James Fry, New York City, April 3,4 - 2013